Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
Randomize
