I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
foreskin is a definite game changer
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Randomize
