you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Randomize
