I'm eating all of the evidence.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
