if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
