it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Such a big mess for such a small penis
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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