how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Randomize
