o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
