the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Randomize