I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
