apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Randomize
