Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
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