he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
