And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
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