bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Who died my cat blue again?
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Randomize
