Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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