Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Randomize
