her vagine was all disorganized.
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Randomize
