if i can run in heels then i can drive
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
