he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize