so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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