Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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