Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
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