I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
