My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
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