just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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