Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
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