Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
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