this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Randomize
