Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
