so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
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