So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Randomize
