Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
