my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Randomize