You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
