did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
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