so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
