I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Randomize
