I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
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