I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
