make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
