I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
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