Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Randomize
