i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Randomize
