I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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