Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
