The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize