we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
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