Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
