i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
