Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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