How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
