Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
