I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Randomize
