So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
