Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
