I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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