Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Randomize
