Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
