you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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