I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
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