there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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