I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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