i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Naked Twister starts at high noon
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
