Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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