I'd wear matching sweaters with you
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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