thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
