It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
