If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Randomize
