yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
