I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
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