get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
