I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize