I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize
