Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
